My Question Is This
by Jeva
Summary: [One Shot-Vignette: Spoilers for Episode 23] The thoughts of a brother when one mistake becomes too many and the bond of siblings seems torn in two...


_Disclaimer: I do not own Full Metal Alchemist or any of the characters of this story. I don't even own their dialogue as I used the subtitles from the episodes I watched online. Thank you to crustol, if that is who did the translating. Without it, I wouldn't have been able to watch FMA in it's original anime form._

  


**My Question Is This...**

  


As Ed climbed the stairs to the roof, arms laden with metallic materials wrapped inside a blanket, he could hardly keep the enlightened and content smile off his face. He was lucky he was leading the way or Winry would have noticed. Despite the fact that she had been the one to make him realize his mistake, he wouldn't give her the chance to get a big head over it. It was just as likely that she wouldn't, but it could hurt to take safe anyway.

He's been an idiot. Wallowing for days on how close he'd been to restoring his little brother to his rightful body. He should have known Al would have been dead set against the idea of sacrificing lives for his sake. He should have known that it had been the right choice to say no. And yet, he hadn't even realized any of that until talking to Winry about why Al had seemed so upset. Winry had been gentle pointing out his mistake, but it hurt that he had misjudged his brother. Somehow...it hurt like he was losing sight of Al as the distance between them grew as the search for the truth of the Philosopher's Stone continued.

Ah...but it didn't matter anymore. Al would accept an apology for his stupidity. He did it constantly over the years. So why would that ever change?

The Full Metal Alchemist opened the door to the roof and stepped outside to be greeted with the sight of Al propped up against the wall near the door. What a mess, he thought to himself as he walked in front of his brother, being respectful to allow Al to see him more easily.

"Al..." he said carefully, the content expression falling into a soft-smiling apologetic one. "I'm sorry. I'll fix you right away."

Winry placed her load down first, pulling the blanket open so the materials would be visible. "Look," she stated proudly to Al as Ed knelt to lay his materials down. "I brought a lot of things from Rizenbul."

Al didn't respond, and knowing he needed some kind of reassurance, Ed told him quietly as he set thing up, "Al, I won't give up. Let's return to our normal bodies our own way."

There was a pause in which the young State Alchemist felt certain he was forgiven for his mistake. Al had always been the better brother, after all. Sometimes he wished he was more like him because there would less mistakes and more understanding between the two of them.

What he didn't expect was Al's almost hesitant response:

"You may be able to return to normal, Niisan...but will I be able to return to normal?"

The small, blond teenaged boy looked up to the suit of armor in which his brother's soul was kept. He gave a reassuring smile. "Of course. Don't worry about it," he said before standing, readying himself. "I'm starting."

He clapped his mismatched hands together, a more comfortable and familiar thing than being with a dysfunctional right arm. Pressing those hands to the armor next, Ed concentrated on his brother's metal body. Just like the last time he'd had to fix Al, the missing limbs and chunks of sides were seemingly instantly materializing where they had once been. He would never be exasperated at Al if he had to fix him over and over again, he thought to himself as the process was nearly complete. After all, it wasn't Al's fault he was like this...

Then it was done, and Ed stepped back to survey the armor body. "How is it?" he asked his brother as he always did.

Al clenched a fist but didn't do anything else. "You affixed my soul to the armor like this at that time, right?" he asked instead.

A bit confused on why Al would ask something he knew the answer to already, Ed merely answered with a "Yeah."

"Along with my memories..."

Ed's smile disintegrated into a wondering stare, not understanding what Al meant by that. Seeming to read his thoughts, his brother continued, "Memories are only data. An alchemist like you can easily implant false memories, right, Niisan?"

Ed continued to stare before he attempted to smile and laugh what Al had said off. "You...were thinking about such a thing?" he asked, feeling stunned that he would be accused of such things.

"Niisan," Al said, continuing to drive his point, "there was something you started to ask me but didn't in Rizenbul, right? You said there was something you were afraid to ask." The smaller brother's expression fell again as he listened. "Were you trying to tell me that my soul and memories were something fake that you created?"

No. That was the one word that went running through Edward Elric's mind when his brother had finished. No, that hadn't been his question. No, Al couldn't possibly think of such a thing. No, this couldn't be his worst nightmare made reality. No, he wasn't going to let that happen. No, that wasn't true, it was already happening...

None of these thoughts could get to his voice, however. Try as he might, he couldn't defend himself from the harsh accusation. A part of him felt he deserved the suspicion, the denial, the betrayal, the pain. So he remained silent, helplessly looking up to his little brother who he had ultimately failed again.

Winry hurried to repair the damage, "No! Ed wanted to ask you--"

This didn't help as Al cut her off by swiping a hand to ward her off as she attempted to approach him. "It's okay," he exclaimed, telling them that he was less than okay with the situation. Winry wisely retreated a step. "The human Alphonse Elric didn't exist in this world to begin with."

_Didn't exist._ Ed's eyes widened as he continued to watch Al, his brother who would have been almost fifteen right then if...they hadn't done anything. If he had listened to Al's protests against bringing their mother back. If he hadn't been so cocky and stupid...

If Al didn't exist, then why did he lose his right arm? He had sacrificed it in bringing Al's soul back with him, hadn't he? Hadn't he used the blood from that moment to place the array onto the suit of armor in his desperation? If Al wasn't really Al...

_Then why would he try so hard for four years to bring him back?!_

That was the one thing he wanted to throw into Al's face and rub his nose in. _He_ hadn't been the one to suggest looking for the Philosopher's Stone! Al had! In Tucker's books, Al had found the information. That was one reason he said he wouldn't chase after that damn myth! Tucker was a murderer--of his own wife and daughter! And the Philosopher's Stone was in his files...that meant there would be immoral ways to gaining.

But he did it anyway. He searched high and low, endured Colonel Mustang's barbs as well as the always-present label of _The Dog of the Military_. Why would he do all of that...for a fake?

...or did Al think he would be like Tucker...searching for a body to put the fake soul in?

In all these thoughts, Ed found himself continuously unable to voice his objections. He couldn't say any of them and barely heard the argument between Al and Winry.

"What are you talking about? You two have been together almost forever! Also, Baachan and I have been with you, too... Believe us, Al!"

"What do you expect me to believe? What do you expect me to believe with this empty body of mine? There's a possibility that all of you are tricking me!"

Ed couldn't bear it anymore. Could it be that this was the reality of it all? "Is that what you've wanted to say all this time?" he asked aloud, voice dull and hopeless as he realized how truly like his nightmare this was becoming. "Is that all you have to say?"

The suit of armor turned to him and seemed to glare down at him. "Niisan, answer my question!" He didn't. He couldn't. "Why won't you say anything?! Why?!"

Al turned to run as he had always done when they had fought as children, but Ed stopped him by grabbing him with his real hand. Immediately, Ed knew his mistake but didn't do or say anything as Al said, "Let go. There's not point in me living," and jerked away.

Number 48 and his brother...

The thought of Al's life having no value when he meant so much...

"Idiot!" Ed found himself crying out as he rant to catch Al and keep him there.

Al struggled to get away. "Let go! Let go!"

He wouldn't lose his brother! No! Not like this! Not with this big of a gap between them! Not without Al seeing how things really were! "Al!"

"Let go!" shouted the suit of armor one last time before Ed found himself flying across the rooftop, hitting the ground hard.

"Ed!" he heard Winry cry out as he struggled to get up to fix things. To tell Al the truth.

When he sat up and saw how Al shrank back as he looked at him, the elder Elric knew he couldn't fix this. Al had accidentally done the one thing he had never done before while in his iron body. He had hurt his older brother...had made himself more into the monster he believed he was.

"Al..." Ed said, trying to disperse such things from his brother's thoughts but only found that it was too late.

Al retreated a step. "Don't come near me..."

No... "Al..." He would never purposefully hurt his older brother. Ed knew that. He knew that but couldn't find a way to show Al that, so broken were his hopes to fix things were.

"Don't come near me..." his little brother said again before screaming, "_Get away from me!_" and running away.

"Al!" Ed shouted, watching the suit of armor jump over the railings. Immediately, the teenaged alchemist leapt to his feet and ran over to the railing, watching as his brother, almost three stories below, run out of sight. "Al! _Al!_" he shouted again before attempting to jump the railings himself.

Winry put a stop to that by latching on from behind. "Ed!" she cried, wrapping her arms around him, trying to keep him still despite his struggling.

"_Al!_" No, no! This couldn't be how it happened! They were supposed to understand each other! They were supposed to work things out if there was a misunderstanding!

...but was it a misunderstanding?

Al had answered the question he'd been too afraid to ask, whether he knew it or not. To accuse him of falsifying his memories, to actually believe he would...

...his little brother...really must have hated him for putting him in this situation, for putting him in that cold, empty, iron body. He must have hated him more so now than ever before for trying to go against every taboo alchemy had set down in its natural laws...

...never bring back the dead...

And possibly even an alchemist as famous as he--the Full Metal Alchemist--couldn't bring his brother back.

Just to ask that one question...

"_AL!_"

  


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_Author's notes:_ ...yeah...I wrote this after watching episode 23 for the first time and had to somehow put Ed's feelings into a more visible picture. Eh...hopefully it worked out all right. This is my second attempt to write a FMA fic and angst isn't my number one genre...though that might be because I consider my angst to be drama. O.o.

Anyway, this was mostly inspired by my little sister (two years younger than I) and how I feel about my relationship with her. We don't get along all the time--in fact, we butt heads more often than not. But I hate the feeling I get whenever that does happen because I know that there's some miscommunication between us that makes us fight. Something is left unsaid or is misinterpreted that causes the misunderstanding. So when we watched episode 23 and saw this scene, my sister and I felt rather strongly for it. (Can't be sure if her reasons were likened to mine, though.) So I guess...in a way...this is dedicated to her...in hopes that someday we might understand one another more clearly than we do now.

Anyway...no, this isn't an AU. This is just that scene told from Ed's POV. So the happy reunion does come after this to end the conflict. I just wanted to broaden the scope some. -shifts- And add in some more angst even though there's quite enough of that in this series. XD 


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